মঙ্গলবার, ৩১ জুলাই, ২০১২

Sure, You Can Earn Hundreds More Every Yr By Choosing ...

?Earn 1000?s this week, no expertise obligatory!?

?Data Entry works, no expertise needed, make $4,000 by Friday!?

Who hasn?t seen one of these ads posted someplace on-line or in an e-mail? When you spend any type of time on the Web, you know these ads are everywhere. But like your Mother used to say, ?if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.? And that?s right. There isn?t a strategy to make a straightforward buck in the world anymore. Well, they never was an approach to make simple money. But everybody loves cash and wants more of it. So how will you earn hundreds extra per 12 months? By persevering with training!

Persevering with schooling is any studying that you do after High School. Your time spent in school was a type of persevering with training since you did not need to go to school after you graduated. As of late, persevering with schooling tends to be education you obtain after you faculty diploma. File numbers of students are graduating from school every year. That?s a fantastic statistic; nonetheless, it also means that there are extra individuals within the job market with backgrounds like yours.

You will not obtain huge pay in your first job, except you?re in a highly specialised area like laptop programming or medicine. However, you work your way up to making extra money after you acquire experience. On the job experience takes time, but you?ll be able to minimize corners with persevering with education.

When you have some continuing training under your belt, you?ll be able to easily prove to hiring managers why you might be more qualified for promotions than someone who hasn?t taken additional courses after incomes his degree.

You additionally show you?ve gotten extra initiative and ambition, which works a long way in getting that new promotion or job. It shows that you?re prepared to tackle a whole lot of challenges and aren?t afraid of the unknown. These are sturdy traits of good upper-stage managers and executives. That may very well be you someday.

With continuing education comes essentially the most coveted thing of all: extra money. You might be earning thousands extra per year that you do right now if you take the time to get extra training and go for those jobs and promotions the place you can show your worth and make five, ten, twenty or thirty thousand more than you already make in a year. Just think of all you may do with that!

So, despite the fact that there?s not a technique to really make hundreds in every week (at the least, not legally) you can find a technique to make hundreds greater than you already are. You can be in any area you want, from enterprise to design to medicine. It doesn?t matter. All it really takes is some drive, determination, willingness and continued education. You could be on your technique to making your first million soon, all by continuing your schooling now. And who doesn?t wish to show up to work in that nice new automobile and step out in nice clothes? You recognize you do, so get began at present!

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Source: http://all-articles-directory.com/sure-you-can-earn-hundreds-more-every-yr-by-choosing-persevering-with-training/

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Palestinians dispute Romney statement that Jerusalem is "Israel's capital"

RAMALLAH, West Bank (Reuters) - Palestinians accused U.S. Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney on Monday of undermining peace prospects by calling Jerusalem "the capital of Israel", ignoring their own claims to the city and most world opinion.

Romney used the term on Sunday to sustained applause from his Israeli audience in the Holy City, during a trip to present himself as Israel's closest ally ahead of the November 6 election contest with President Barack Obama.

"We condemn his statements. Those who speak about the two-state solution should know that there can be no Palestinian state without East Jerusalem," chief Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat told Reuters on Monday.

"What this man is doing here is just promoting extremism, violence and hatred, and this is absolutely unacceptable," he said. "His statements are just rewarding the occupation and aggression."

Israel seized eastern Jerusalem during a 1967 war. A U.N Security Council resolution condemns a 1980 Israeli law that declared Jerusalem the "complete and undivided" capital of the country as a violation of international law.

Most countries, including the United States, have not recognized Israel's declaration and have kept their embassies in the coastal city of Tel Aviv.

Previous U.S. presidential candidates, including Senator Obama in June 2008, have referred to Jerusalem as Israel's capital ahead of elections, only to row back when taking power and suggest the issue should be resolved by negotiations.

A senior aide to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Nabil Abu Rdeineh, said Romney's statements were unhelpful, stood in the way of a peace settlement and "contradict the previous positions held by the American administration".

Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) secretary-general Yasser Abed Rabbo said: "American policy makers must abandon hypocrisy and stop attempting to gain votes at the expense of the Palestinian people's rights."

HEDGING BETS

He added: "Mr Romney must understand that such an era has ended and Arab nations who are rebelling for the sake of freedom and dignity will not allow him to mess with their fates in order to win some votes."

Romney met Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad briefly in Jerusalem on Sunday, but did not travel to the nearby occupied West Bank, focusing primarily on Israeli leaders.

In an interview with CNN, Romney refused to be pinned down on whether he would recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital if he beats Obama and wins the White House.

"A nation has the capacity to choose its own capital city, and Jerusalem is Israel's capital," he said.

"I think it's long been the policy of our country to ultimately have our embassy in the nation's capital, Jerusalem. The decision to actually make the move is one, if I were president, I would want to take in consultation with the leadership of the (Israeli) government which exists at that time. So I would follow the same policy we have in the past."

Pressed on whether he would make the move on becoming president, Romney said: "I'm not going to make foreign policy for my nation, particularly while I'm on foreign soil. My understanding is the policy of our nation has been a desire to move our embassy ultimately to the capital."

Seeking American Jewish and fundamentalist Christian votes, Romney has criticized Obama on Israel, alleging last year that the president had "thrown Israel under a bus" in pushing hard for a two-state solution between Israel and the Palestinians.

Direct peace talks brokered by Washington ground to a halt in 2010 and attempts to get the two sides back to the negotiating table have since failed.

Romney did not criticize Obama by name during his two-day stay but made some pointed criticisms of his policies.

Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak made clear on Monday he was happy with the support received from the U.S. president.

"This American administration of Obama has been giving unprecedented backing to Israel's security ... This administration has done a lot to maintain Israel's qualitative advantage," he told Israel Radio.

(Additional reporting by Ali Sawafta and Maayan Lubell in Jerusalem; Writing by Douglas Hamilton; editing by Crispian Balmer and Pravin Char)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/palestinians-accuse-romney-jerusalem-israels-capital-131725386.html

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Encouraging ghd Straightener Specifics Which Will Lead To Self ...

Most anyone strives to be the better that they may be. Even so, sometimes it is just also challenging out from practices that have developed throughout a ghd Australia life time. If you are someone who is trying to start out about the pathway of personal development, these guidelines can help you get started while keeping going at being your own personal best.

An excellent idea that can help you with personal development is to join some sessions. There are many different courses you can acquire if you?re trying to greater your way of life in some manner. Browse on the internet or take a look at your newspaper to determine if there are any in your area.

Recognize your defects and blunders. Don?t shy away from them in the interest of positivity. Willful ignorance will destroy you over any defect or oversight ever could. Beneficial modify comes from evaluating your shortcomings and turning them into regions Cheap ghd Straighteners where one can understand and expand. People admiration and believe in somebody that can acknowledge when they?ve carried out improper.

You want to be different from your crowd. Make your self get noticed and stay someone folks check out to. It is always a smart idea to reach for the very best in your life and never be way too overbearing once you present on your own around the globe. Make a company.

Get organized. Organize your stuff nighttime before going to sleep so you are ready to consider the next day. This should help you coordinate your ideas for the upcoming day time when you are acquiring ghd Straightener stuff jointly. This will help lessen stress due to the fact you will possess the day laid out in front of you.

When establishing a personal-help goal, it is vital that you keep practical within your expectations of on your own. The targets you place needs to be tough, although not mind-boggling. Generating goals which can be also straightforward or too hard might cause needless stress therefore making you less likely to follow by way of, lowering any progress that you just can make with your self-aid software.

Make sure ghd Australia to arrive early to operate and any other meetings that you have. Unless you sense rushed if you attain your vacation spot, it is likely to lessen the quantity of stress which you really feel once you get there or when you find yourself on the road.

Often we encounter times exactly where we certainly have personal doubt. If this sounds like that day for you, locate a thoroughly clean page of paper and write positive thoughts on it. Such as, I composed a fantastic report this morning, the weather conditions is stunning right now, or my commute to work was easy, and so on. Please read on each of the good thoughts till you are feeling better, there are actually this functions quickly to improve your outlook and perspective.

As you have seen, these tips will definitely allow you to ghd Straightener on the path of self improvement. The following tips can help guide you as you experience the highs and lows of creating the alterations you need to make to produce the newest and increased you. So will not restrain anymore and merely begin.

Years on from revolutionising ghd Australia considering the release of the to start with straightener, ghd hair straightener stays true to it?s founding ethos: the actual spirit of transformation.

Source: http://answers.apostoliccm.com/2012/07/encouraging-ghd-straightener-specifics-which-will-lead-to-self-improvement/

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China cracks down on priests who opposed illicit episcopal ...

CWN - July 30, 2012

Communist authorities in China are cracking down on the seven priests of the Diocese of Heilongjiang who opposed the ordination of Father Joseph Yue Fusheng to the episcopate.

The ordination, which took place without a pontifical mandate, resulted in Bishop Yue?s automatic excommunication. There are 37 priests who serve in the diocese, which is located in the northeastern part of the country.

The seven, who either refused to take part in the ceremony or made known their opposition, are banned from exercising their priestly ministry for three months and have been ordered by civil authorities to concelebrate with Bishop Yue or face additional consequences. Since the order was given, one priest has concelebrated with the excommunicated prelate.

Since the Communists assumed power in China in 1949, the diocese has had only two bishops: Bishop Peter Wang Ruihuan, who led the diocese from 1959 until his death in 1992, and Bishop Liu Huanbo, who led the diocese until his death in 1997. Neither received Vatican approval.

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The Next iPhone Won't Be the iPhone 5 [Iphone 5]

Can you taste it? That's an unreleased iPhone in your mouth—so close that we've all got a good sense of what it'll look like and do. More »


Source: http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/gizmodo/full/~3/8XEtIXRWsus/the-next-iphone-wont-be-the-iphone-5

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Romney comments at fundraiser outrage Palestinians

JERUSALEM (AP) ? Mitt Romney told Jewish donors Monday that their culture is part of what has allowed them to be more economically successful than the Palestinians, outraging Palestinian leaders who suggested his comments were racist and out of touch with the realities of the Middle East. His campaign later said his remarks were mischaracterized.

"As you come here and you see the GDP per capita, for instance, in Israel which is about $21,000, and compare that with the GDP per capita just across the areas managed by the Palestinian Authority, which is more like $10,000 per capita, you notice such a dramatically stark difference in economic vitality," the Republican presidential candidate told about 40 wealthy donors who ate breakfast at the luxurious King David Hotel.

Romney said some economic histories have theorized that "culture makes all the difference."

"And as I come here and I look out over this city and consider the accomplishments of the people of this nation, I recognize the power of at least culture and a few other things," Romney said, citing an innovative business climate, the Jewish history of thriving in difficult circumstances and the "hand of providence." He said similar disparity exists between neighboring countries, like Mexico and the United States.

Palestinian reaction to Romney was swift and pointed.

"It is a racist statement and this man doesn't realize that the Palestinian economy cannot reach its potential because there is an Israeli occupation," said Saeb Erekat, a senior aide to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas.

"It seems to me this man lacks information, knowledge, vision and understanding of this region and its people," Erekat added. "He also lacks knowledge about the Israelis themselves. I have not heard any Israeli official speak about cultural superiority."

As criticism mounted while Romney traveled to Poland, campaign spokeswoman Andrea Saul said: "His comments were grossly mischaracterized." The Republican's campaign contends Romney's comparison of countries that are close to each other and have wide income disparities ? the U.S. and Mexico, Chile and Ecuador ? shows his comments were broader than just the comparison between Israel and Palestine.

While speaking to U.S. audiences, Romney often highlights culture as a key to economic success and emphasizes the power of the American entrepreneurial spirit compared to the values of other countries. But his decision to highlight cultural differences in a region where such differences have helped fuel violence for generations raises new questions about the former businessman's diplomacy skills.

As he has at home, Romney in Jerusalem cited a book titled, "Guns, Germs and Steel," that suggests the physical characteristics of the land account for the differences in the success of the people that live there.

"And you look at Israel and you say you have a hard time suggesting that all of the natural resources on the land could account for all the accomplishment of the people here," Romney said, before citing another book, "The Wealth and Poverty of Nations," by former Harvard professor David Landes.

This book, Romney said in Jerusalem, concludes that "if you could learn anything from the economic history of the world it's this: Culture makes all the difference. Culture makes all the difference."

The economic disparity between the Israelis and the Palestinians is actually much greater than Romney stated. Israel had a per capita gross domestic product of about $31,000 in 2011, while the West Bank and Gaza had a per capita GDP of just over $1,500, according to the World Bank.

Romney, seated next to billionaire casino owner Sheldon Adelson at the head of the table, told donors that he had read books and relied on his own business experience to understand why the difference in economic disparity between countries is so great.

His comparison of the two economies did not take into account the stifling effect the Israeli occupation has had on the Palestinian economy in the West Bank, Gaza Strip and east Jerusalem ? areas Israel captured in 1967 where the Palestinians hope to establish a state.

In the West Bank, Palestinians have only limited self-rule. Israel controls all border crossings in and out of the territory, and continues to restrict Palestinian trade and movement. Israel annexed east Jerusalem in 1967, but has invested much less heavily there than in Jewish west Jerusalem.

And although Israel withdrew from the Gaza Strip in 2005, it continues to control access and has enforced a crippling border blockade since the Islamic militant Hamas seized the territory in 2007.

It's true that Israel has logged tremendous achievements, said Abraham Diskin, a political science professor at the Inter-Disciplinary Center outside of Tel Aviv. But "you can understand this remark in several ways," he added. "You can say it's anti-Semitic. 'Jews and money.'"

The World Bank and the International Monetary Fund repeatedly have said that the Palestinian economy can only grow if Israel lifts those restrictions.

"It's Israeli occupiers and Palestinians under occupation, and that's why Palestinians cannot realize their potential," Erekat said.

The breakfast with top donors ? including Adelson, New York Jets owner Woody Johnson and hedge fund manager Paul Singer ? concluded Romney's visit to Israel, the second leg of a three-nation overseas tour designed to bolster his foreign policy credentials.

Standing on Israeli soil for the first time as the GOP's presumptive presidential nominee, Romney on Sunday declared Jerusalem to be the capital of Israel and said the U.S. has promised never to "look away from our passion and commitment to Israel."

The status of Jerusalem is a critical issue in peace talks between the Israelis and the Palestinians.

In Israel, Romney did not meet with Abbas or visit the West Bank. He met briefly with Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad.

Romney's campaign says the trip, which began in England last week, is aimed at improving the former Massachusetts governor's foreign policy experience through a series of meetings with foreign leaders. The candidate has largely avoided direct criticism of U.S. President Barack Obama while on foreign soil.

The Jerusalem fundraiser, however, was a political event that raised more than $1 million for Romney's campaign. It marks at least the second finance event during his tour. The first, in London, attracted about 250 people to a $2,500-per-person fundraiser.

Both presidential candidates have aggressively courted American donors living abroad, a practice that is legal and has been used for decades.

Romney's declaration that Jerusalem is Israel's capital was in keeping with claims made by Israeli governments for decades, even though the United States, like other nations, maintains its embassy in Tel Aviv.

His remarks on the subject during a speech drew a standing ovation from the audience, which included Adelson, the American businessman who has promised to donate more than $100 million to help defeat Obama.

Adelson was among a several donors who flew to Israel for a day of sightseeing with Romney in addition to private meetings with top Israeli officials.

Romney flew to the Middle East from Britain, where he caused a stir by questioning whether officials there were fully prepared for the Olympic Games. A stop in Poland will complete his trip.

Four years ago, Obama visited Israel as a presidential candidate, part of a five-nation trip meant to establish his own foreign policy credentials.

A goal of Romney's overseas trip is to demonstrate his confidence on the world stage, but the stop in Israel also was designed to appeal to evangelical voters at home and cut into Obama's support among Jewish voters and donors. A Gallup survey of Jewish voters released Friday showed Obama with a 68-25 edge over Romney.

Romney and other Republicans have said Obama is insufficiently supportive of Israel.

___

Associated Press writers Amy Teibel in Jerusalem and Steve Peoples in Washington contributed to this report.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/romney-comments-fundraiser-outrage-palestinians-115109978.html

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Prince William eyes innovative waste-to-energy plant for landfill

Prince William County will open 5 percent of its 200-acre landfill to a business willing to build, own and operate a demonstration waste-to-energy plant.

The county has issued a request for proposals, due by Sept. 27, for a company to host a non-traditional, ?innovative? municipal solid waste conversion technology on 5 to 8 acres of the landfill, located at 14811 Dumfries Road. A secondary, 5- to 10-acre site at the county?s Balls Ford Road yard waste composting facility may be used as an alternative.

The chosen bidder, according to the solicitation, will design, build, finance, own and operate a demonstration plant using a technology that is near ready for commercialization, such as pyrolysis, gasification, anaerobic digestion, plasma torch or other conversion method. The plant will be capable of converting 50 to 200 tons of waste a day.

Traditional incineration technologies will not be considered.

?This demonstration project will have unparalleled exposure, with the County being less than 30 miles from the nation?s capital and the eyes of federal decision-makers, granting agencies and energy experts,? according to the RFP.

The county landfill?s expected lifespan runs through 2060. The facility is surrounded by the Prince William juvenile detention center, the Mosquito Control Building, a Board of Education maintenance facility, a private salvage yard, athletic fields and the site of a future church.

The landfill is an ?underused resource with the potential for creating a renewable energy base for the County, contributing to a decrease in overall dependence on fossil fuels and the generation of greenhouse gases,? the solicitation states. A portion of the site will be redubbed the ?Prince William Renewable Energy Park,? to take advantage of technologies like solar, wind and landfill gas recovery.

Michael Neibauer covers economic development, chambers of commerce, transportation and politics.

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/vertical_16/~3/PElbQl-O8Ic/prince-william-eyes-innovative.html

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সোমবার, ৩০ জুলাই, ২০১২

Olympics 2012: Moroccan Delegation Misses a Good Opportunity to ...

Rabat, July 29, 2012

Moroccan delegation?s passage was much anticipated by Moroccans. What would be the dress chosen by our delegation? A Caftan? Jabador? Suspend !Moroccan delegation dressed in a grey drab suit.(DR) delegations in an alphabetic order with the colors of their flag, others as such of Mali in a shimmering traditional dress. Comes the turn of Morocco with a simple suit, dark trouser, and a rather dull pistachio green jacket. The same dress for men as for women with mandatory tie. A wardrobe rather dull to represent a country known for the refinement of its fabric and fine craftsmen. Not to mention the varied colors of our country through its
cities fez, chefchaouen, Essaouira?

So no Jabador for men, no Caftans for women, Morocco misses a great opportunity to showcase to the world its specificities. Our delegation preferred to be discreet wearing a suit that seems to be borrowed from customs or controllers of ONCF (Office National des Chemins de Fer). The only touch of color was manifested in the red and green flag fluttering in the wind.

A few minutes later, it is the delegation of Niger to make its entrance, noting the originality of their dress and headdress. Moroccans will comfort themselves with the passage of the sample of Najat Aatabou which was again played at the end of the presentation of delegations. The Moroccan touch was still present ? without the knowledge of our own free will!

Translated by Jaouad Maniani

Source: yabiladi.com

Source: http://www.moroccoworldnews.com/2012/07/49682/olympics-2012-moroccan-delegation-misses-a-good-opportunity-to-stand-out/

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Slavery in Obama family tree? (Star Tribune)

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NBA: RT @SekouSmithNBA: Bryant Soaking Up Olympic Experience http://t.co/M3XNYvVx

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Source: http://twitter.com/NBA/statuses/230025632258588673

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Old Yesterday, 03:51 PM ? #1 (permalink)

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help.


My boyfriend and i have been together for almost two years. We live together and love each other dearly. In the past year, we have been through so much. we lost a pregnancy, i met my birth mother for the first time and it was awful, and I lost my grandfather, all in about three months.
Since all of these events i have leaned on him for support, and he never hesitated to give it to me.
Over the past year we have had only (from what I knew) small issues with his drinking. Occasionally he would drink too much and a second head would pop out of his shoulder and freak out on me and leave. He never once hit me.
he agreed to quit drinking for the sake of our relationship but neither of us ever felt he was an alcoholic, just to stressed to handle alcohol intake. So eventually we ordered drinks with dinner, or he bought a six pack, and things were fine.
Until recently.
He was working so hard to support us both, on top of his monday to friday day job, he worked two side jobs renovating kitchens. He literally did not take a day off for 4 months. and one day his full time job required him to work a night shift. To make a long story short, before leaving the house at 6pm it it was obvious to me that he was intoxicated. after being gone for one hour, he returned home and was clearly drunk. after he become emotional, and angry i convinced him to go to bed, and quit this job to take care of himself. The next three days were long. He was drunk most of the time, and on the third day after his binge he had been drinking since 9am when i left for school. He was horrible to me when I came home, and eventually I got him to pass out. The next day he was very apologetic and agreed to go to counseling. We went too two sessions in two weeks and it appeared to of done a lot of good.

I drank with him again. And then in the next few days it was obvious to me he was hiding a bottle in his truck and drinking when he went to "grab something" or have a smoke. I was so fed up. It was the third day of another three day binge. I confronted him, he lied, and i asked him to leave.
Then he attacked me. Out of no where. He kicked me, he choked me, he bit me, he punched me in the head, and I called the police who escorted him away from our house.
I did not hear from him again until the next morning, when he showed up while i was having he locks changed.
He grabbed me to hug me, and I was terrified of him. He told me he had little to no memory of the previous evening and asked me what happened. I showed him a bruise on my arm and he threw up. He told me he was an alcoholc and had infact been drinking everyday behind my back for nearly one year. He shakes when he doesnt drink, and he just looked at me and said "i am sick and i need help". while i was sympathetic, i was in shock and still hurt by being beat up.
I called and begged him to come back, but he said he couldn't, he was too embarrassed and needed to go get better. he went to his grandparents farm and i did not hear from him for two days.
in those two days i realized that I missed him dearly. And loved him more. How do you throw away someone for being sick? After all the support he gave me? After he admitted to a problem and clearly hit bottom?
We talked and over a few days agreed that this is what we both want. For him to get better, for me to move on from the last year of hell.
But he wont be moving back in right away, he is currently on his grandparents farm with his mom and uncle, detoxing. Today is day five.

I'm wondering what the chances of him healing are? If I am helping or hurting his recovery? What can I expect during the rest of detox? How do I support him while feeling insecure? Where does the trust for this process come from?

What do I do now?

Thanks..

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Old Yesterday, 04:03 PM ? #2 (permalink)

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Hi, anastasia. Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here. Many of us have been where you are.

You have posted on a forum that doesn't get a lot of traffic. I suggest you post this on our Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum. You will receive a lot of good support. You aren't alone, anastasia. Here's a link to the F&F Forum...

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key.
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Old Yesterday, 04:23 PM ? #3 (permalink)

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Welcome to SR.

Quote:

Then he attacked me. Out of no where. He kicked me, he choked me, he bit me, he punched me in the head,
That is a surprisingly brutal assault you suffered. For me, that is a deal breaker. Were you hospitalized, suffer any serious hurt? I think you might look into seeing a counselor or therapist qualify in violence against women. You might look out for PTSD symptoms.

Violence Against Women | womenshealth.gov has important information.

There is a Family and Friends of Alcoholics forum here at SR, that if you copy and paste your post there, you will get more assistance for the situation your in.

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Old Yesterday, 04:27 PM ? #4 (permalink)

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Hi and welcome anastasia

I took the liberty of moving your thread. You have some great advice here already and I know you'll find a lot more in this forum.

Please make your safety your #1 priority - look after your well being.

D

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Old Yesterday, 04:27 PM ? #5 (permalink)

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Wow, I am so sorry for what happened to you and I so hope that you seek support for yourself - a therapist or AlAnon could be helpful. I don't believe that a person is ever violent just one time. It will happen again. He has lied to you for over a year about his behavior and he violently attacked you. My advice is to focus on helping yourself right now and allow your boyfriend to do what he is doing.

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I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been
There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end.

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Old Yesterday, 05:07 PM ? #6 (permalink)

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Quote:

Then he attacked me. Out of no where. He kicked me, he choked me, he bit me, he punched me in the head, and I called the police who escorted him away from our house.
.....
I called and begged him to come back.... i realized that I missed him dearly. And loved him more.
....
What do I do now?

Think very carefully about what you are willing to put up with in order to stay close with this guy.

You seem to have decided that you will accept kicking, choking, biting and punching.

Will you also accept broken bones? Scarring and disfigurement? Permanent disability? Brain damage? Death?

What's your limit? How much more are you prepared to take? At what point do his actions become totally unacceptable to you?

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Old Yesterday, 05:15 PM ? #7 (permalink)

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Quote:

Then he attacked me. Out of no where. He kicked me, he choked me, he bit me, he punched me in the head

What do I do now?

You leave him and establish no contact. __________________
I want, by understanding myself, to understand others. I want to be all that I am capable of becoming.

~Katherine Mansfield

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Old Yesterday, 05:49 PM ? #9 (permalink)

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The Normal human response to being attacked is to be afraid of the person, or angry, or at least to not trust them in any way.

Every relationship is different. Every addict is different. But in my experience, sympathy is not helpful to an addict's recovery. You'll just turn yourself into a nurse. Well, to be fair, a nurse, a lover, a mother, a therapist, drill sargeant and the Police. It's not a fun role and it will exhaust you.

It also does nothing for the addict who needs to put hard, non-stop never-ending discipline and self-effort into his recovery. And because it's also a painful physical/psychological addiction, the addict will do just about anything to avoid that. He can overcome it, but if you get to close, he'll manipulate you.

Al-anon suggests detachment. Which sounds cruel, but is the only way he'll have the focus to devote himself to the long road on recovery. Like I said, grueling, daily (sometimes hourly, minute-ly) discipline to keep the mind from exploiting its own weaknesses.

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Old Yesterday, 06:14 PM ? #10 (permalink)

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wow. thank you all.

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Old Yesterday, 06:40 PM ? #11 (permalink)

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Quote:

The Normal human response to being attacked is to be afraid of the person, or angry, or at least to not trust them in any way.

Sadly, my urge to return to him is completely normal. Not only do most women not seek support once they face violence, a lot of them continue the relationship exactly as it is. I am insisting changes happen, and wanting to see if we can see this through...
What makes this whole thing even harder to swallow is that I am a social work student, and volunteer in the court system offering emotional and legal support to women exploited by violence or sexual abuse.

I have already seen, and will continue to see a counselor.

My boyfriend has moved out. and will not be moving back into this house. nor will he be sleeping over, sleeping with me, I dont even plan to speak with him very often right now. I realize i have a lot of work to do.

i can't bring myself to do what it is you all think I should. I know it sounds like suicide to want to continue the relationship. but that's what my heart wants or believes
I want to try. I want to help him with his alcohol problem and what I need help with is how to support him through detox.

is there any advice out there about how to support him? i'm open and it wont hurt my feelings if someone wants to tell my im ******* psycho. But some real advice on how to support him, and be sure hes following through would be appreciated.

A

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Old Yesterday, 06:41 PM ? #12 (permalink)

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And also, unless you are a substance abuse counselor, you might not be able to see all of the manipulations or understand how long-term drug abuse can distort one's sense of reality/morality. You have to have the strength of a rock and be VERY well-informed to offer the right kind of support to someone detaching from drugs. I frankly don't think it's a good idea for one person to take it on nor do I think the addict should be in a relationship while he is re-learning how to live.

The kindest and most sympathetic thing to do for him is to leave.

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Old Yesterday, 06:55 PM ? #13 (permalink)

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Anastasia, I understand exactly what you are asking and you are not going to like what I have to say. But if you stick around these boards a little while, you may come to understand it. Plainly, you cannot help or support someone in recovery, nor can you be sure he is following through. "Support" in the mind of a codependent is actually Enabling. You cannot know for sure what anyone else is doing, unless you handcuff yourself to that person for the rest of your life.

I have learned, through many, too many, relationships with addicts and alcoholics that if you truly love the person, and you want to help them, you will turn your back on them and let them go.

Anastasia, when someone finally shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

Let go, hon, and let God.

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God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Peace out.

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Old Yesterday, 06:57 PM ? #14 (permalink)

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Welcome to the SR family!

I'm sorry for the reason you are here, but I am glad you found us. This is a wonderful resource of support and information.

When I first came to SR, I learned about the 3 C's of my husbands addiction to alcohol:

I did not Cause it
I can't Control it
I wouldn't Cure it

It took a long while for me to accept that concept. I was sure he needed me to help him understand that alcohol was not the answer. With help from SR, Alanon and self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" I was finally able to give the addiction to the other adult in the relationship. His addiction = His Recovery.

I kept myself stuck in a cycle of wanting to believe he could change and "this time will be different". In a sense, it was different each time - it got worse. You see, alcoholism is progressive and it gets worse.

I also kept myself stuck in remembering how great he could be, if he would just change. I remembered how he was when we first met, and refused to accept the reality of who he had become. I think your boyfriend has just shown you who he really is today (who he is now). Looking at how he was or could be is magical thinking. It will keep you stuck.

I know you remember how he supported you in your times of need, and that is a wonderful part of having a relationship with someone we love/trust. That is part of a normal healthy relationship. Now you have someone who has been living a lie the past year. Now you have someone who has become violent. Now you have someone who is not normal or healthy.

The best source of support for him at this point is the help of trained professionals (addiction specialist) or other recovering alcoholics with more time in recovery who can guide him along the way. Professionals and other recovering alcoholics will know when he is lying and manipulating and they can call him out on his BS.

This is a time for both of you to work on your own recovery so that you can become stronger, healthier individuals.

Stick around, we care about you!

__________________
"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively.
"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

Trina Paulus
Hope for the Flowers

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Old Yesterday, 10:38 PM ? #15 (permalink)

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If a person were to lay a hand on me, all I'd be thinking of was how to get him back....I dont get it where a man, cowardly beats up a woman and she runs back to his arms??? This is beyond no logic/common sense,and seems a type of surreal addiction in itself...the 4th Stage is a walk in the park compared to this madness.

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Old Yesterday, 11:02 PM ? #16 (permalink)

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Quote:

Sadly, my urge to return to him is completely normal. Not only do most women not seek support once they face violence, a lot of them continue the relationship exactly as it is. I am insisting changes happen, and wanting to see if we can see this through...
What makes this whole thing even harder to swallow is that I am a social work student, and volunteer in the court system offering emotional and legal support to women exploited by violence or sexual abuse.

I have already seen, and will continue to see a counselor.

My boyfriend has moved out. and will not be moving back into this house. nor will he be sleeping over, sleeping with me, I dont even plan to speak with him very often right now. I realize i have a lot of work to do.

i can't bring myself to do what it is you all think I should. I know it sounds like suicide to want to continue the relationship. but that's what my heart wants or believes
I want to try. I want to help him with his alcohol problem and what I need help with is how to support him through detox.

is there any advice out there about how to support him? i'm open and it wont hurt my feelings if someone wants to tell my im ******* psycho. But some real advice on how to support him, and be sure hes following through would be appreciated.

A

Normal? There is nothing normal about wanting to return to a man who beat the crap out of you.

There is nothing normal about excusing someone's abuse with a "disease".

There is nothing normal about wanting to help someone through detox and battle their inner demons...that's codependency.

As a social work student, you should be studying this kind of stuff. If not, please read Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. And Under the Influence to start with. Talk with your professors about this. Find a good counselor with an addictions specialty.

This guy has a long, bumpy road ahead of him. I am sorry you are going through this, but you owe him nothing for "being there for you". That's what people do in intimate relationships. They are there for each other. Until one beats the crap out of the other; then all bets should be off!

Take good care,
~T

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Old Today, 01:00 AM ? #17 (permalink)

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I read a book while I was still with my husband. It's called "Out-witting your alcoholic" I checked it out at the library. In there it said that an alcoholic doesn't do something in a black out they wouldn't normally do or want to do. In example driving, cheating, eating, ect. Your best deffence against this horrendous disease is offence. Arm your self with as much information as you can before you even think about taking him back. I'm also currently reading a book called a "Second chance" I would read both of these.

Also getting sober on his grandparents farm is not a treatment facility. He can have a seizure if his alcoholism is far advanced. He needs therapy, and he needs to learn the tools to help him stay sober.

Honestly are you sure he isn't lying now? He pulled it off for a year while living with you. Please be safe.

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Old Today, 01:58 AM ? #18 (permalink)

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Sadly, my urge to return to him is completely normal.

It is not normal, but is the "norm" for certain personality types in certain specific situations. For other personality types it is definitely neither normal nor a norm.

Quote:

What makes this whole thing even harder to swallow is that I am a social work student, and volunteer in the court system offering emotional and legal support to women exploited by violence or sexual abuse.
What emotional support and legal advice would you give to a woman who came to you and described a situation like the one up above in post #1?
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Old Today, 04:49 AM ? #19 (permalink)

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One of the hardest and most important lessons I had to learn in my recovery was to give my AW the dignity of making her own choices and following her own path.

It is not up to you to decide for him whether or not he chooses to be an alcoholic, only he can make that decision.

I became much more sane when I decided to focus on my recovery. I still have compassion for my AW but I now accept that I am neither strong enough nor wise enough to make those decisions for her.

Your friend,

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Serenity is just being me.

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